I don’t watch Oprah but today’s show scared the hell out of me.  It was about some people who were really struggling their way through the recession.  Some were homeless – or close to it.  I’m struggling right now myself. Geeze.  Everyone I know seems to be close to financial disaster.  I’ve got to get down and sort some things out.

Well, I had a bad night’s sleep.  Dreams were bad – all about losing everything and being out on the street.  My current financial status is very bad and I’m trying to work my way through it.  I keep dreaming about my childhood friend Kathy, who, as far as I know, lives in Connecticut and I haven’t been in contact with for years.  Another old bud of mine crops up from time-to-time.  She lives in Florida and I haven’t heard from in a couple of years. I was actually “crying” in my sleep, it was so real.  I woke up with a headache and immediately thought I was having a stroke as my blood pressure goes dangerously high when I’m under stress.  Fortunately, I was able to afford my BP medicine this month. The stomach medicine that I’m taking (to prevent the embarrassing problems I’ve had in the past) is much cheaper than the BP medicine.  My gastro-intestinal system is fine now; blood pressure: not-so-good.  Ironic that my doctor thinks that walking is a good way to get blood pressure down.  Given my past history, that my detractors seems to find so noteworthy, it is a comfort to know that there is medicine that helps.   Still don’t feel comfortable going for long walks where there are no washroom facilities.  It’s times like this that I miss my morning dose of Howard Stern.  Had to drop Sirius a while ago due to financial constraints.  There was a funny story about Robin suffering a similar fate to mine while on a walk.  Of course it became the source of endless jokes at her expense.  Now, she has embarked on a course of coffee enemas to lose weight and she has lost a remarkable amount of weight.  Maybe that’s the secret!  Enemas!  Oh. No. I admired her honesty and that’s why I write about my life on this blog.  Other people internalize their angst, but I feel compelled to write about it. This blog was my on-line diary and place to vent.  And it will remain so.  My detractors can enjoy my musings and use them to their own purposes because they are so bereft that they have little else to do.

Just listening to the radio news and a couple sold two toddlers in exchange for a $1500. cockateil and $175.  This happened in Louisianna.  Guess Mr.Rogers/Kenneth-the-page Bobby Jandal should reconsider the turndown of the extended unemployment benefits from the bailout package.  Maybe the people saw Oprah and decided to “downsize” their family.  Seriously, what were they thinking?  Then there’s the on-going trainwreck of the Octomom now being played out on Dr. Phil.  She now says she did not expect to carry all six implanted embryos to term.  But they’re “my babies!” (tm Sylvia from Intervention.)  But I can’t turn away from watching and reading about this mess.  How can such a delusional woman be allowed to procreate?  Her parents were just as bad for enabling her.

Listening to Mel Robbins and she’s a bright light in this dark financial depression.  She offers a story of a family that actually has improved their lives since the husband was laid off.  They cut back on a lot of things and joined a cheap gym and work out regularly and are now eating healthier.  I am finding that it is very difficult to eat healthful foods when you’re financially strained.  I don’t eat junk food; soda pop; chips and crap like that, but, buying good, fresh food is expensive. I hit the bruised produce table at Valu-mart first when I go there. (I wish they’d move it out from under a heat duct.) That determines what I will buy in the meat aisle.  Canned soups on sale are good – if you can add to them.  I eat a lot of cereal, oatmeal for breakfast and Honey Nut Cheerios for evening snack some times.  I like to eat the main meal of the day at 4:00 p.m. now so that I can be ready to watch MSNBC from 5-10 p.m.  It does work better that I live alone, but it can also work against me as I don’t have a real schedule anymore.  Today, I didn’t crawl out of bed until 9:00 am. So much for getting up early.  That dream was something else.  Always have a theme that includes missing clothing that is usually found in the laundry bin, lost BlackBerry (Gak!) and a trip down Main Street in Buffalo past my old high school. I’m always trying to get somewhere, but never do. (Gee. Wonder what that could mean?)  I call this my failure dream as it seems to point up my failure to achieve my goals.

But, when I think about it, I am living the life that I wanted and worked towards.  I’m here in Canada, where I always wanted to live permanently.  My apartment is perfect: quiet, safe and affordable.  I have my blog(s) and The Strand.  My health is good for an old, overweight broad.  I have friends and family who know me and still think I’m okay.  I have three wonderful cats and a bunch of fish. What else do I need?  Really?

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